That’s great! You have decided to start decluttering, it’s time to clear out, let go and make space. With sleeves rolled up, you’re prepared. With a steely look of determination, you dive in. Within minutes you find yourself ruminating over a few items that you pulled out of the cupboard. You remember the summer when you picked up the ornament on a wonderful holiday, and your mind wanders. A book you loved in your twenties, but have never read since makes you reminisce. The coffee mug from your last job, 3 years ago reminds you of the laughs you had in the office, and Grandma’s plate, that she gave you before she passed away, evokes a little sadness, you are sure it might even be worth quite a bit of money. Overthinking has kicked in, and now it seems impossible to detach yourself from the feelings, memories and values associated with these objects. You can’t possibly let them go now, they are too important, this is not junk, so you put them back for another day, feeling defeated. Does this sound familiar?
This scenario is certainly something I experienced over the course of my own decluttering journey. The acquisition of physical ‘junk’ can easily get out of control. I know because it happened to me. Through a combination of buying, holding on to, and inheriting clothing, furniture and other objects I became weighed down by the amount of stuff in my life. It wasn’t needed, and I didn’t love it. The only way out was to start let it go. Sounds easy right?
Letting our belongings go is not always as easy as it sounds. Hence why many people are struggling, surrounded by junk they no longer need or want. Two psychological concepts have been identified, that are working together to create our attachment to physical objects, making it difficult to let go.
A study by Daniel Kahneman, Jack Knetsch, and Richard Thaler (1990) found mere ownership of an object increased the perceived value of it. This premise is still upheld, if the item is bought, received as a gift or inherited, it doesn’t matter how an item is acquired, once it belongs to us we view it differently.
Related to the endowment effect is loss aversion, which represents the human tendency to feel more pain over losing an object than the gain felt during it’s acquisition. In other words, we want to avoid the feeling of loss, more strongly than we want to receive. This leads us to make seemingly irrational decisions, and is of course detrimental to the decluttering process.
The cognitive bias of the endowment effect, and loss aversion, is hard wired into us through the evolutionary process, so it is no wonder that we feel confused by our inability to make simple decisions, and let stuff go. In our ancestry, loss of a needed resource presented a threat to basic survival, and was to be avoided. Unfortunately, in the economic environment in which we live today the perceived threat is unrealistic, and loss aversion becomes problematic. Our stuff may give us the illusion of safety and security, but it is in fact unreliable, impermanent, and impractical.
I still find even today that objects around my home hold meaning and value, if I let them. However, with this knowledge and practice, it can become easier to become non-attached. Our thinking is simply a state of mind, which can be overcome. I am certainly not accomplished at this, but I am aware, which is bringing me greater freedom in everyday life. I remind myself that nothing in life is permanent, and the clinging mind, fearing loss and change, is the underlying cause of an inability to let go, and creating associated feelings of discomfort.
Letting go of our belongings therefore feels like a threat. Immediately, when we start to think about what we are about to do, a fear response is triggered. We fear the loss of identity, the loss of memories, the loss of perceived value and the idea that it might somehow be needed or relevant to us again sometime in the future. Our ego does not like to be out of its comfort or safety zone, and will pull out all the stops to avoid change and loss. It is important to realise now that this is a perfectly normal response, and recognition forms part of the process of diminishing attachment to physical stuff. So how can we override our innate responses?
Although I do not aspire to let go of all of my belongings, I do aspire to live more simply, and detach myself from the objects in my environment, in that lies freedom. I do not wish to feel loss for inanimate stuff, either now or at some point in the future. I aspire to embrace naturally occurring change with excitement and curiosity, and to enjoy, and use what I have while I choose to own it.
Do you?